Review by Josh Felty
I felt it necessary to step outside the bounds of Infernal Dreams' webcast, Baptism by Fire, where I've more or less given fairly positive (if not glowing) reviews of some indie horror films. Now, I wouldn't normally outright bash an indie movie because I know, as a no-budget filmmaker, how hard it is to write, shoot, and cut together a coherent story. Filmmaking's not something everybody has the contenance or talent to undergo. Sure, it looks easy; but getting cast and crew motivated is one of the first pitfalls that really test your character. And don't get me started on the whole PR rat-race.
With that said, I appreciate what the creators of "Amateur Pornstar Killer" have managed to accomplish. Apparently, there are a couple sequels to this gem. But I won't get into those--namely because I will never watch them.
To put it simply (if not as gently as I can muster) this movie does not live up to its title. I went into this expecting, "Okay, indie movie...gonna have some T&A, a little gore maybe...then some more T&A hopefully." But within the first couple of minutes, my zeppelin came crashing down.
The first several minutes consisted of some guy doing something indescernable in a hotel sink. Is he washing his hands or hand-washing his undies? This is intercut with some T&A; mild, nothing too graphic or anything we all haven't seen before. Then, we're thrown into this creepy dude's backseat as he picks up a nubile young lady at what appears to be a crackhouse. The creepy dude and his friend are the drivers of this trainwreck (both director and writer). They drive for a while, chit-chatting. There's even subtitles. I fell asleep, I think.
After all that, he convinces her to hang out at his motel room...where they commence to chit-chat. Some of the earlier T&A scenes are cut into the whole mess, in a miniature "screen-within-a-screen" motif, which is annoying and pointless. If it's related to the creep and the girl in the motel room, we're never told. All we're given is crappy VHS-quality video and even shittier sound. Perhaps that was the style the filmmakers were going after, I don't know. And I don't care.
For what seems like three hours, creepy dude progressively breaks down his young charge enough to get her shirt off. Some simulated fellatio and shadowy hanky-panky later, I was left with a foul taste in my mouth. And my soul. I'm surely not giving away too much by saying "creepy guy" kills the poor girl in the end. But who cares? We're not given a hint of a reason to care for her or feel any animosity toward his actions. A lazy no-budget movie that really wouldn't deserve to be distributed on You Tube, much less DVD, "Amateur Pornstar Killer" is the worst no-budget can possibly get. And that's not to say no-budget movies can't be good...but they should never, under any circumstances whatsoever, be this effing bad.
It doesn't matter anyway. You're not gonna watch it.
And you'll be better off for it.
Video: 0.5 (for the brief visual eye-candy and "production value")
Audio: 0
Blood/Gore: 0 (none whatsoever)
T&A: 0.5 (okay, but nothing to sweat over)