Review by Jake LeMaster
Directed by George Barry (1977)
This movie makes every other movie I've ever seen before it seem like a masterpiece even die you zombie bastards.. I forced myself through this entire movie for the sake of a joke. Now just because of how bad it legitimately is I think everone should watch it just to prove anybody with a camera can make a better film..
The bed was given it's hunger from a demon who fell in love with a mortal woman. The demon cried tears of blood on the bed when the woman died giving it an undying hunger.. Take a guess on how she died.. The back story is the only bit of interesting story in the entire film.. there are a couple of story lines. First is a picnic that turns into sex quickly after the bed eats all the food and drinks all their wine while they arent paying attention.. Really if your food and wine disappear and you were sure there was some to start you do not continue to have sex in the room where the food was LOUDLY and cheesily crunched in a large amount of stomach acid.. No teeth still lots of crunching sounds.. I keep trying to think of redeeming qualities but 1970's boobs just can't make up for this atrocity.. The story is told mostly by an artist who was eaten by the bed, he was a sickly man who the bed took pity on.. Yes a bed can take Pity on someone.. The bed reconstructs him behind a painting that he did of the bed to watch as it gorges itself on any stupid person who may happen to think it is a good place to sleep, have sex, play a card game, have an orgy etc etc.. (these people are few and far between) The bed gives him little gifts from the people it devours rings necklaces any kind of little trinkets that it can't stomach.. The Artist want's to stop the bed but he can only talk when the bed is sleeping... YES! the bed sleeps.... The next short story of the bed includes 3 girls who go out to the middle of nowhere to get away and relax for a few days... There are two scenes that stick out in my head. 1 Being where I think the bed was masturbating to the girl changing her clothes in front of him.. ad the other of the bed drinking pepto... Im stil not going to tell the ending just in case someone wants to brave this film.. but on a scale of 1-10 it gets a 2.