Planet of the Vampires (1965)

Review by Sean Patterson



"Why did he come to me so furtively? Maybe he wanted to--kill me?"

The ad copy for Planet of the Vampires made it out to be an Italian scifi horror classic that has influenced both genres for decades. I find that hard to believe, since the movie displays no characteristics that can't be identified as coming from The Twilight Zone or Star Trek. And while the movie predates Star Trek by one year, I think the similarities are simply due to the necessities of low budget set dressing.
Despite being reminiscent of those two classic series, it is nowhere near as interesting, surprising, or well written as either of them. The main difference is the story and the characters. Ideally, a movie should have both, and make them interesting. But when a movie lacks the modern budgets that can gloss over the lack of these elements it must rely on them solely. Planet of the Vampires does a poor job with both.
Two ships sent to investigate a mysterious planet both crash, and the crew begin to attack each other. After somehow avoiding killing one another, the crew of one ship finds that the other ship failed in this task, and they bury the dead. Soon after, the bodies go missing and the movie monsters are revealed: zombies. Not real zombies, though. It turns out the planet is inhabited by incorporeal beings that need bodies to escape the planet.
And that's it. The details were very hard to follow, due in part to the convoluted techno-babble that rivals anything scifi has to offer. The best thing I can say about the boring expositional dialogue is that it is sparse. I really wouldn't want to hear anymore than absolutely necessary.
The actors who deliver this dialogue are adequate, but forgettable. I just finished watching the movie and I'd be hard pressed to name more than one character. There were half a dozen men with slicked-back 60's hair and two women: a blonde and a redhead.
Mario Bava's directing is not noticeable, which I suppose could be a compliment. But some of the decisions made in cutting the film really rub me the wrong way. Specifically, the music, or lack thereof, was intensely irksome. While the sound effects are grating-yet-fun in a classic scifi way, they are all the movie has to stand on. A good soundtrack might have propelled this movie and helped me stay awake throughout.
The most memorable part of the movie, oddly enough, is the costuming. The uniforms the actors wear, tight black pvc with bright yellow trim, undoubtedly inspired Tron Legacy. The collars on the uniforms come up over their ears. It is hard to believe they can hear each other, and I question the logic of impairing the peripheral vision of an entire space crew.
While I usually like classic scifi and horror, Planet of the Vampires was boring and predictable. The "twist" ending simply served to underscore the fact that the movie is an overlong, underwritten Twilight Zone episode.
5/10